Nick already had the pleasure of testing the updated Mercedes-AMG E 53 Estate and CJ tested plenty of the updated E-Class versions, so is there a rational reason to test the 2021 E 53 Coupé? Plenty...

Is there anything rationally justifiable about a luxury coupé that measures 4.8 meters in length, one that carries well over 400 horsepower under its lengthy bonnet? Luxury 2-door coupés aren't rationally justifiable, let's be honest about that. These cars are a form of automotive delicacy, not a dish every manufacturer dares to touch in the current epoch. Audi doesn't offer an A7 2-door, nor does BMW offer a 5 Series Coupé (not counting the 8 Series). Mercedes-Benz has a unique proposition with their E-Class Coupé and mating it with a 53 drivetrain makes it a dish I just had to try.

Penis size

Mercedes-Benz has been cooking up coupés of the E-Class since before it was even labeled with the current class designation. Dubbed the W114, this was the first coupé to enter the Daimler executive line-up. It did so in 1968, back then the engine range didn't span beyond inline-6 engines for both the sedan and coupés. These days the E-Class sedan can get anything from an inline-4 up to a V8 in the monsterous E 63 (S). Alongside it, the current E Class coupé still has the same cylinder count as its grandad.

By now you're probably wondering why I was referring to the size of one's phallus and ended up talking about history? Here's the logic: the E-Class 2-door doesn't have the option to carry a V8 as its siblings do and to the world that matters. It not having a V8 has led to it being less popular online, in bars, and office-talk. It has led to the E 53 being dismissed beforehand as the best option due to a general, uneducated assumption based on size and not on the car's capabilities. I sketched this parallel here because 99% of males and 100% of females can relate. Being properly stimulated doesn't always translate into plain numbers.

No lack of stimuli

There's plenty of features on- and inside the Mercedes-AMG E 53 Coupe to tickle you in the right way. Most prominently noticed is its straight-six hiding under the 'power dome' lined bonnet. As with the beforementioned E 53 wagon, there's an identical drivetrain present. The lengthy six-cylinder peaks yet again at 435+22 hp and 520 Nm. Power is fed to the wheels via a silky smooth 9-speed and via an all-wheel-drive system that comes in the form of 4Matic+ tuned by AMG. Weighing a few kilograms less than its practical-shaped sibling, the 100 kph sweet spot is met 0.1 seconds faster.

You'll need a large multitude of those seconds to take in all the visual aspects of this aesthetic gem tough. Not only because of the size of it all. What's new on the update are the headlights and the entire facia. Stare at it dead-straight and over 2 meters of E-Class width is staring back at you, mirrors included. Its shape is an attractive one from head to tail, which measures 4.848mm in length. The roofline only peaks above the front seating row at 1.427mm, after which it drops in a single graceful line down to its optional carbon spoiler. As with the E-Class Estate, the Coupé doesn't get updated rear lights for the 2021 model. The quad exhaust tips are still present on the updated E-Class Coupé, now separated by an updated diffuser.

Tight

As graceful as its exterior may seem, there's no gracefully entering the back row of this car. Mercedes-Benz has done its best to create a premium feel by automatically folding the front row seats down when entering and exiting. This graceful maneuver is initiated by a handle on the backside of the front seats, those are the comfort spec in this press vehicle. The back row does offer plenty of space, even for people measuring over 1900mm in length. And if opted for, this row has heated seats of its own. Never does the rear row feel cramped once you're back there, it feels safe and as if the car's elegant line is hugging you. And as with any E-Class, the quality is immaculate.

No 63

Mercedes-AMG might have made the unpopular choice not to create an E 63 Coupé, but do remember: this E 53 is the first E-Class Coupé wearing the infamous three-letter label from Affalterbach. The coupé not having a V-8 big brother doesn't mean it gets more goodies from the top-tier AMG than the estate or sedan. But don't ever think the 6-cylinder versions are slowpokes in any aspect of dynamic properties. You won't ever come close to the Mercedes-AMG E 53's full potential on public roads (without behaving illegally). And that type of road is where it trumps the E 63. How? By offering more comfort to start with. There's substantially less tire noise penetrating the cabin compared to its V8 sibling. Overall the suspension, even in Sport Plus, is far more forgiving on road imperfections, despite the low tire profile.

Where the E 63 is visceral in every way, the E 53 is elegant. Feedback is present but never too much. Nor from the steering, nor from the chassis as it rolls. The drivetrain feels safe, yet agile as it warps the torque around. Its exhaust note seems less hindered by the particle filter, still popping at cracking when you let off the gas. The power build-up is linear and addictive, yet you never find yourself speeding without deliberately doing so. And one thing the E 63 versions won't ever be able to do, is dropping all the windows down like the coupé. This opens up an unprecedented shape, one with only two pillars.

And so it ends

The E 53 Estate simply is a sensible choice and I can’t help but think that the coupé seems to be the exact opposite. Buyers of this type of car are treating themselves and solely themselves by buying this car. Where the estate and sedan seem like a compromise for rational thoughts, this doesn't. Rationally spending over 100-thousand euros (BE) on an emerald green 2-door is absurd, emotionally it's completely justifiable. Transferring that much money to Affalterbach will get you a car that knows no equal until you start spending tens of thousands of euros more for the likes of a BMW M850i. And therefore, the title of this article. Therefore, the Mercedes-AMG E 53 Coupé is lonely at the top. Well done Mercedes-AMG, well done.

Mercedes-AMG E 53 Coupe | Lonely At The Top